A friend shared a quote that seems fitting for my step back into the blogging world. "When you think about quitting, think about why you started."
I never intended to quit writing. I'm not even sure how I only made it two posts in before everything started unraveling. The sad thing is that I didn't even need outside forces to tear down my resolve. I'm best at destroying things when I simply let myself get in the way.
It seems that I am not in control of my life. This will not be a particularly shocking revelation for you, reader. In fact, there are plenty of days when my lack of control washes over me just like it washes over you. Last summer, however, I entered a period where my lack of control became intolerable. I spent months agonizing over what might happen, what could happen, and what (most certainly) would happen in the days, weeks, months, and years ahead.
An important side note is that I am (generally) a rational person. I am quite capable of realizing that my thoughts and fears are irrational, but that doesn't necessarily give me power over them. I recognize "triggers" for my anxiety, and I know that caffeine is my sworn enemy. I have learned that healthy sleeping and eating habits are essential. I have also learned that while my heavenly Father does not WANT me to be anxious (see Luke 12:22-26), He can use my experience to teach me reliance. A turning point for me was when I acknowledged my own limitations and surrendered everything to the only thing bigger than my fears.
I will always struggle. There will be days when it is very difficult to remember that my life is in more capable hands than my own, but I'm hoping that I can get out of the way, get back into scripture, and get back to writing.
